A Horse Under Any Other Name

When you have wagered on horses for the better part of your life, you tend to develop certain characteristics that are recognizable only to other horse players.

Now these are not obvious characteristics like a tic in the eye, or a scowl that suddenly crosses your face for no apparent reason. Oh, no, these are much more subtle -- and personal.

My friend Sheldon is a good example.

Sheldon was a truck driver in Tucson, AZ. when my younger brother, Legs, and I first met him. He drove a bread truck that serviced the supermarkets around Tucson.

We met over breakfast at a boarding house on Swan Road, not far from where Ted DeGrazia's first art gallery was housed before it was turned into a restaurant serving Mexican food.

Over breakfast, we chatted about our lives, our hopes and our dreams for the future.

'I'm a gambler,' said Sheldon. He had a pronounced Brooklyn accent that left you no doubt the place of his origin. 'I gamble on the greyhounds and I gamble on the horses. You guys wanna come out with me to the track, I'll show you my system.'

Tucson had both a greyhound dog track and a horse track in those days. Since I like horses, we decided to accompany him to the horse track.

We drove to the track in the bread truck.

'Now I don't want youse guys ta tink I have oney one system,' Sheldon said, chewing on a toothpick. 'I got dozens of 'em.'

My brother, Legs, is naive. 'Do they all work?.'

'Sure,' said Sheldon as he veered sharply to the left to avoid hitting a jackrabbit that had hopped from beneath a Joshua tree. 'They all work. Sometimes.' He shrugged. 'And sometimes they don't work at all. Hey, gambling is like life. It's all luck. That's what my ma used ta tell me when we lived in Brooklyn.

'I'm a sleepwalker. She would wait until I was walking around the room in my sleep and say, 'Tell me a number...tell me a number.' If I said anything that sounded like a number, she'd play it. I don't think she ever hit.'

I was having fun. 'So what's your system for today, oh wise one?'

Sheldon didn't smile. He was dead serious. 'Today I'm betting names.'

Legs was astonished. 'You're gonna bet on a horse just because of his name?'

'Sure,' said Sheldon, pulling into the parking lot at Rillito Downs. 'Why not? When a hoss is born, it has certain ways of doing things. That's how it gets its name. I'm gonna bet on the names of horses that -- well, that inspire me.'

His eyes were shining as we parked the truck. He almost looked reverent.

I don't remember the names of the horses we bet on that day. All I do recall is that we hit nine races out of 10. Quinellas, exactas, and a daily double.

We couldn't lose. When we left the track, I had money in every pocket. I grandly offered to spring for steak and lobster at one of Tucson's resort steak houses.

Of course it was beginner's luck. We went with Sheldon to the dog and race tracks in Tucson and Benson, AZ. many times and never duplicated the results of our first visit.

After two months, my brother and I left for Phoenix. I had secured a job there as a reporter and Legs had found a job as a painter with a company that built custom homes. I genuinely felt sorry that I was leaving Sheldon. He had a homely face but that sincere New York look and manner that charms the world.

I am going to Indigo Sky Casino just outside Seneca, MO. tomorrow. My buddy Dave Howard is the poker room manager and he will be hosting the day's poker activities. Naturally he will try to shill me into a no-limit Texas Hold'em game with the $100 buy-in. And just as naturally, I will try to convince him to start up a limit Omaha High-Low or a pot-limit Omaha high game.

I'll give him a good argument, but David will no doubt win and I will have to play no-limit. Dave is the poker room manager. Poker room managers always win.

But along with the poker, I will be able to wager on the horses. Indigo Sky has a horse parlor that is part of the poker room, and it's very convenient for gamblers to bet on the horses while playing poker.

I am not going to handicap the horses in Saturday's races. I am going to use Sheldon's method and bet on them according to their names. Here for the record are my choices. Depending on the results, I may share the results with you.

DELTA DOWNS

(1) ASPEN SKY. (Isn't that a gorgeous name? I cannot conceive of an owner or trainer giving an animal that name if it was not a winner.

(6) GATO MOJADO. (Ah ha, Senior.. How could a horse with such a challenging name lose? Pass the tequila and the frijoles.

(7) CAVENDERS KID. (No special reason. I just happen to like the name.)

FAIRGROUNDS

(4) DELAUNEY. (A strong Irish name that rings bells in any horse player's subconscious).

(8) RED RIFLE. (The owner who came up with this name believed he was right on target -- and so do I).

HAWTHORNE

(3) LETHAL. (Bet against this animal at your own peril).

(5) NACHOS AND JOY. (If you like Mexican food as much as I do, this one is a no-brainer.)

Sheldon, wherever you are and whatever you are doing -- I hope you own an Albertson's Supermarket -- thanks for the tip.

Author: Geno Lawrenzi Jr.

(Geno Lawrenzi Jr. is an international journalist, magazine author and ghostwriter. If you have a unique gambling story to share with him, you may qualify for a cash award. Send your story with all the details to glawrenzi@gmail.com ).