Sports Jokes

[lipstick_xoxos]

Pepsi sits out the Super Bowl for first time in 23 years.  Hey, no big deal.  The Detroit Lions have sat out the Super Bowl for the past 40 years.


 

Lips

[lipstick_xoxos]

A man went off to a football match one Saturday afternoon, and while he was away his wife was 'visited by a 'friend' who just happened to be jogging past her house and was dressed in shorts and singlet.

The wife was happily entertaining him on the sofa when suddenly they heard her husband coming through the front door.

Quick as a flash, the visitor hid behind the large television set in the corner.

The husband came in and said...
'It's started to pour with rain so I thought I'd come home and watch the second half on telly.'

He switched on the television and settled down to watch the game. After about twenty minutes the wife's visitor started to get severe cramp so, casting caution to the winds, he calmly got up from behind the set and walked out of the room.

The husband turned to his wife and said...
'That's funny - I didn't see the ref send him off.'

Lips

[lipstick_xoxos]

A woman and her lover are in the house while the husband is at work. Her nine year old son comes in, and after seeing them making love he hides in the wardrobe and watches them. All of a sudden the husband comes. Wife hides her lover in the wardrobe, without knowing that her son is in there. Boy:

- It's dark here.
- Yes it is.
- I've got a soccer ball.
- That's nice.
- Do you want to buy it?
- No, thanks.
- My dad is outside.
- Ok, how much?
- 250 dollars.

After a few weeks man and boy run into each other again in the wardrobe. Boy:
- It's dark here.
- Yes it is.
- I've got a soccer cleats.
Remembering what happened last time, man asks:
- How much?
- 750 dollars.
- Ok.

After few days, father says to his son:
- Lets go and play soccer.
- I can't, I sold the ball and the cleats.
- How much did you get?
- 1000 dollars.

- That is terrible, how could you ask so much money.... that's much more than they are worth. That's a sin, so you should go to the church and confess.
Father takes his son to the church confessional. Boy gets in, closes the door and says:

- It's dark here.
Priest:
- Don't start with that sh**t again!!!

Lips

[lipstick_xoxos]

Three Fans

    Three baseball fans leave the stadium after a game and come across a dead, naked woman lying in the middle of the street. After they call the cops, they each take off their baseball caps and place them on the dead woman out of respect and to cover her private parts until the cops arrive.

    The first fan places his Boston Red Sox cap over her left breast, the second places his Phillies cap on her right breast and the third fan places his Yankees cap on her genitalia.

    The cops finally arrive, and the officers take statements from the fans to find out what happened. After explaining that they found her naked and covered her up with their caps, the cop went over to examine the body. He briefly lifted the Red Sox cap, and quickly replaced it; then he lifted the Phillies cap, and also quickly replaced it.

    However, when he lifted the Yankees cap, he stared and stared for what seemed to be two or three minutes. Finally, he let the cap drop, walked away, wrote in his notebook, then returned and lifted the Yankees cap once again and stared for a long time.

    As he was walking away the second time, the fans were curious and stopped him and asked him why he spent so much time looking at the woman's genitalia, and he said, "It's the first time I've seen anything but an ass under a Yankees cap."

Lips

[lipstick_xoxos]

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?

The father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father repied. "Don't rightly know son." Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

The father replied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."

 

[lipstick_xoxos]

Ball Size

... After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences:

The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball.

The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.

The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.

The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.

The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.

The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.

Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

 

Lips

[Johnny Karp]

) Thanks Lips, that's a great one!

[lipstick_xoxos]

A Bears fan was driving when he spotted a Colts fan walking along the road. For fun, he swerved near him, veering away just in time.

Though he was certain he had missed the guy, he heard a loud THUD.

The Bears fan glanced in his mirrors but didn't see anything. "What was that?" he asked friend in the back seat. "I thought I missed that Colts fan."

"You did" replied his friend, "But I got him with the door."