Latest Sports Bonuses

Being i was born in Detroit i just had to show this joke.


The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good  quarterback. He had  scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and  European Leagues, but he  couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super  Bowl win.

Then, one  night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone  scene in Afghanistan .  In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with  a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. 

KABOOM!

He threw another hand-grenade  75 yards away,  right into a chimney.

KA-BLOOEY!

Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.

BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to   get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" 

So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game  of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl. The young Afghan is  hailed as the great  hero of football, and when the coach asks him what  he wants, all the young man  wants is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just  won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old Muslim  woman says. "You deserted us. You  are not my son!"   

"I don't think you understand,  Mother," the young man pleads "I've won the  greatest sporting event in  the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."   

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of   rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week,  and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get  raped!"

The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, 
 
"I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit  !"   

Tony,

I got a funnier one.........Da Bears playing the Browns Thursday nite...........lmaooooo!!!!!

That's a NO brain-er...... who's gonna win that.............Da Bears!!!!!!!!!!!

Lips

Tonster,


Heres another funny one............wink!!!!

Q: What do you call 53 people sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?

A: The Cleveland Browns.

Lips

Hey Ton,

Q: How do you keep a Cleveland Brown out of your yard?

A: Put up goal posts.

lmaooooooooo!!!!!!

Lips

Game on lips,

Q: What did Jesus say to the Chicago Cubs last time he was on Earth?
A: “Don’t do anything til I get back.”


Tony

Travel warning

I just wanted to give you a warning if you are heading up toward the
Twin Cities on Interstate 94. The Minnesota State Patrol is cracking
down on speeders.
For the first offense, they give you two Viking tickets.
If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them!!!!!!!!!

Minnesota Vikings fans below

3 packers fans in a bar

A bears fan in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a joke about Packers fans?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke you should know something. I'm 6' tall and 220 pounds and I'm a Packers fan. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, 240 pounds and he's a Packers fan, and the guy sitting next to him is 6'5", 280 pounds and he's a Packers fan too. Now, do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The Bears fan says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

ahem....

Four NFL Football fans want to find out who is the most loyal to their team, a Chicago Bears fan, a Green Bay Packers fan, a Cleveland Browns fan, and a Detroit Lions fan. They climb to the top of a high mountain. The Bears fan, wanting to prove he is most loyal, yells at the top of his voice, "This is for the Chicago Bears!", and jumps off the mountain. The Lions fan, not wanting to be outdone by his rival, also yells at the top of his voice, "This is for the Detroit Lions!", and jumps off the mountain. Now the Packers fan, knowing in his mind that he is the most loyal, yells at the top of his voice, "This is for the Green Bay Packers!", and pushes the Browns fan off the mountain.

Hey Tonster,

Q: Where do you go in Cleveland in case of a tornado?

A: Browns Stadium - they never have a touchdown there .

Game on tonite toots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lips

Hey Med,


 What do you call a Green Bay Packer with a Super Bowl ring?

 A thief...............lmao!!!!!!!!!!!!

One Sunday afternoon, a guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender said, "Sorry, pal. No pets allowed." The man replied, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Bears game and you'll see." The bartender, anxious to see what will happen, turned on the game. The guy said, "Watch. Whenever the Bears score, my dog does flips." The Bears keep scoring field goals and the dog keeps flipping and jumping. "Wow! That's one hell of a dog you got there. What happens when the Bears score a touchdown?" asked the bartender. The man replied, "I don't know. I've only had him for seven years."

Tony

Mommy Bear and Daddy Bear were in divorce court. The judge looked down and asked the Baby Bear, "So Baby Bear, do you want to live with Daddy Bear?" "Oh, no," Baby Bear replied, "I don't want to live with Daddy Bear. He beat me." "Well then, you should live with Mommy Bear," answered the judge. "On, no, I don't want to live with Mommy Bear. She beat me." "Well then, Baby Bear, who do you want to live with?" Baby Bear said, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears. They don't beat anybody!"

Tony

Q: What do Tornados and New England Patriots fans have in common?
A: Sooner or later, they'll both end up in trailer parks!

You better not let Nal see this one...i just may have to tell her........lmaooooooo

Tony,

One more for you since we kicked ur a** last nite!!!

Why doesn’t Columbus have a professional football team?

Because then Cleveland would want one.

Lips

i am going to have to keep an eye on this section...you blasphemer!!!

thank you for the warning my friend lips!!

PATRIOTS ROCK!!!  we killed the GIANTS!

you not funny man.. :D :D :D :D

Tony you just messed with the wrong fan buddy look out!!!!!!!!!!


 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D


Lips

Q: What do the Green Bay Packers and Billy Graham have in common?

A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ”.


Lips

A Packers fan is having breakfast one morning; coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam when a Bears fan, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Packers fan ignores the Bears fan who, nevertheless, starts a conversation:

Bears fan: "You Packers folk eat the whole bread??"

Packers fan (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Bears fan: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In Illinois, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to Wisconsin."

The Bears fan has a smirk on his face. The Packers fan listens in silence.

The Bears fan persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

Packers fan: "Of course."

Bears fan: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In Illinois we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Wisconsin."

The Packers fan then asks: "Do you have sex in Illinois?"

Bears fan: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.

Packers fan: And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Bears fan: "We throw them away, of course."

Packers fan: "We don't. In Wisconsin, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Illinois."

Nal,

This one is for you darlin:

Q: What do the Patriots and possums have in common?

A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

roflmaoooooooooooooo!!!!!

Lips

 :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

nal crying....

i thought i liked you...

Hey Tonster,

Q: What’s the difference between the Cleveland Brown & a dollar bill?

A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar bill.


Lips

Mathew Stafford died and arrived at the Pearly Gates.
Saint Peter asked him, "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"

Mathew thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."

Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the records, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that it was true.

Saint Peter said, "Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."

Mathew said, "Wait, wait! There's more! Three years ago, I also gave a homeless person a quarter."

Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who, after a moment, nodded back to affirm that it was true.

Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"

Gabriel gave Mathew Stafford a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let's give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."

Lips

Lame Lame Lame....
     I would expect better from you Lips....
   Your little attempt to get to me are showing your getting nervous about the game. :D  :D :D
       
                                             Go Lions....
                                                  PMM

ROFLMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO .......Prudence.....with all that shakin going on.......maybe you should make some shake n bake chicken today!!!!!!!

Lips

The NFL announced today that for financial reasons, they had to eliminate one team from the league. So they've decided to combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team, therefore saving jobs. They will be known as the TAMPACKS. Unfortunately, they're only good for one period and have no second string.

Lips

hahahahahahahaha

good one!!!!!!!!  ;D

HAHAHHAHAH, Now that was funny!!!
                                       PMM

Yeah and after further review da bears still suck!

Switch sides..
Bloke comes home from the bar drunk at 4am in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he tries to sneak into bed. He's laying in bed for a few minutes and lets rip a fart. His wife wakes up and asks, "What in the world was that?"
He replies, "Touchdown, I'm up 7 nothing."
She thinks to herself, "I'm gonna fix him." Then she lets one loose.
He yells at her, "What was that?"
She replies "Touchdown, tie score."
Now he thinks, "I'm gonna fix her." He's laying there for about 10 minutes trying to work one up. He tries so hard he pukes in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replied, "Half time, switch sides."

Lips

that was so sick but so funny  ;D

Sick sometimes can be sooooooooo fun!!!!!

Lips

PMM this one is for you.....

Years ago, the chaplain of the football team of the Chicago Bears was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an un-sportsman-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents."

"Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for Da Bears lad to be doin'" the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat.

"That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents."
"Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark.

"There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the in a sensitive area."

"Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?"
"Detroit Lions."

"Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys."

Lips

         Lips is getting nervous. She is attempting to upset me with these ill attempts at jokes.  She knows LIONS have a great chance to win. She knows miracles in overtime happen. She knows "It aint over till it's over."  She knows the Chicago Bears aint all that!!!!
          Right now, as I write this she is realizing she has to watch chat for me tomorrow while I lounge around in my pajamas.

                                                Oh this is fun....

                                                            PMM

Yup the game is on TV at noon and I shall be watching.  Watch chat if the Lions win?  Seems to me you should have gone for more PMM.  Maybe a massage thrown in while she watches chat?  The Lions have gotta be in high gear after winning last week.  Hopefully they will make it two in a row.

medtrans

Your right Medtrans. Lions are going to be hungry and will show no mercy to those Bears.
          What to do with my time off from chat.  I am still trying to decide.  :D

                                                              PMM

What is your IQ?

... Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers "241."
"That is wonderful!," says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!"

Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" To which the lady answers, "144."
"That is great!," responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"

Albert goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "51."
Albert responds, "How 'bout them Green Bay Packers?"

Lips

Yeah and after further review da bears still suck.

(Can you tell I am out of jokes?)

medtrans

Hey Med,

Get to crackin at that bar........and tell them customers there is a chick in Chicago putting down The Packers.........and you need some good jokes!!!!


Lips

Tonster this one is for you this week!!

In a school just outside Pittsburgh, a first grade teacher Explained to her class that she is a Steelers Fan. She asked her students to raise their hands if they are Steelers fans too. Not really knowing what a Steelers fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands all fly into the air with one exception.

A little boy named Timmy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks him why he has decided to be different. "Because I am not a Steelers fan." says Timmy.

The teacher asks "Then what are you?" Timmy says "I am a proud Cleveland Browns fan!" The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Timmy why he is a Browns fan. "Well, my Mom and Dad are Browns fans so I'm a Browns fan, too." Timmy responds.

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot? Timmy smiled and said, "Then I'd be a Steelers fan."

Lips

Thanks lips i needed that. Because in about 4 hours i will be crying in my beer as Pittsburgh will be beating the living daylights out of my Browns.

Tony

Hey Tonster,

See ya on Sunday!!!!

The Cleveland Browns have laid off 15 people in the past two days. Luckily they're all defensive players so no one should even notice.

lmaoooooooooo!!!

Lips

ANIMAL SUPER BOWL


During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.

At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.

The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"

"I did," said the centipede.

"Who stopped the rhino?"

"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.

"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"

"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.

"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.

"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."

Lips

SUPER BOWL MADNESS

A local bean farmer was blessed with a wonderful crop this fall. In fact he had so many beans, he needed to unload them somehow. With all the hoopla about the upcoming Super Bowl, he decided that would be a good venue to reach more people. With this in mind he went to the local TV station to speak with the advertising manager.

The farmer said, "I would like to purchase a minute or two during the Super Bowl to advertise my wonderful beans. I have such a bountiful crop of beans of all kinds; pinto beans, lima beans, navy beans, red beans . . ."

The sales manager said, "Ok, Ok, I get the message. And what would you be able to pay for this amount of prime advertising time?"

The farmer scratched his beard, looked off, then said, very solemnly, "I'd be willing to go as high as $300 to reach those folks."

"$300?" the manager yelled, "You must be out of your mind!!! The current sponsors pay through the nose to get the exposure of the Super Bowl! For example, the makers of Kotex pay MILLIONS of dollars to reach the audience!"

The farmer very evenly replied, "I'm sure that's right. But those people are out for blood. I'm just farting around."

Lips

One day, at a the race track while eating hotdogs, a man suddenly called out, "My son's choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"

 A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's gonads, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter.

The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened." Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?" " No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS."

Lips

Pepsi sits out the Super Bowl for first time in 23 years.  Hey, no big deal.  The Detroit Lions have sat out the Super Bowl for the past 40 years.


 :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P

Lips

A man went off to a football match one Saturday afternoon, and while he was away his wife was 'visited by a 'friend' who just happened to be jogging past her house and was dressed in shorts and singlet.

The wife was happily entertaining him on the sofa when suddenly they heard her husband coming through the front door.

Quick as a flash, the visitor hid behind the large television set in the corner.

The husband came in and said...
'It's started to pour with rain so I thought I'd come home and watch the second half on telly.'

He switched on the television and settled down to watch the game. After about twenty minutes the wife's visitor started to get severe cramp so, casting caution to the winds, he calmly got up from behind the set and walked out of the room.

The husband turned to his wife and said...
'That's funny - I didn't see the ref send him off.'

Lips

A woman and her lover are in the house while the husband is at work. Her nine year old son comes in, and after seeing them making love he hides in the wardrobe and watches them. All of a sudden the husband comes. Wife hides her lover in the wardrobe, without knowing that her son is in there. Boy:

- It's dark here.
- Yes it is.
- I've got a soccer ball.
- That's nice.
- Do you want to buy it?
- No, thanks.
- My dad is outside.
- Ok, how much?
- 250 dollars.

After a few weeks man and boy run into each other again in the wardrobe. Boy:
- It's dark here.
- Yes it is.
- I've got a soccer cleats.
Remembering what happened last time, man asks:
- How much?
- 750 dollars.
- Ok.

After few days, father says to his son:
- Lets go and play soccer.
- I can't, I sold the ball and the cleats.
- How much did you get?
- 1000 dollars.

- That is terrible, how could you ask so much money.... that's much more than they are worth. That's a sin, so you should go to the church and confess.
Father takes his son to the church confessional. Boy gets in, closes the door and says:

- It's dark here.
Priest:
- Don't start with that sh**t again!!!

Lips

Three Fans

    Three baseball fans leave the stadium after a game and come across a dead, naked woman lying in the middle of the street. After they call the cops, they each take off their baseball caps and place them on the dead woman out of respect and to cover her private parts until the cops arrive.

    The first fan places his Boston Red Sox cap over her left breast, the second places his Phillies cap on her right breast and the third fan places his Yankees cap on her genitalia.

    The cops finally arrive, and the officers take statements from the fans to find out what happened. After explaining that they found her naked and covered her up with their caps, the cop went over to examine the body. He briefly lifted the Red Sox cap, and quickly replaced it; then he lifted the Phillies cap, and also quickly replaced it.

    However, when he lifted the Yankees cap, he stared and stared for what seemed to be two or three minutes. Finally, he let the cap drop, walked away, wrote in his notebook, then returned and lifted the Yankees cap once again and stared for a long time.

    As he was walking away the second time, the fans were curious and stopped him and asked him why he spent so much time looking at the woman's genitalia, and he said, "It's the first time I've seen anything but an ass under a Yankees cap."

Lips

A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float?

The father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father repied. "Don't rightly know son." Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

The father replied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."

 :D :D :D :D :D :D :D